I Don't Know! (And That's Okay)

Dealing with Fear Due to Lacking Answers

How often do you feel overwhelmed by everything you think you should know? Does this sometimes lead to feeling inadequacy - the tiny voice in your head telling you you're an imposter?

A Tough Industry

Software engineering is a harsh industry in this regard. New technologies sprouting left and right like persistent weeds in your backyard, each one a chance to confront you with your ignorance. Conversations seem littered with tech you have yet to work with or hear of! At the mention of these unknowns, an uncomfortable thought comes up: I should also know about this.

Situations like these can be fertile ground for difficult emotions like anxiety and fear.

My Story

I've experienced these feelings for a long time. I would feel uncomfortable at the slightest mention of an important subject I was unfamiliar with. As a result, I would immerse myself in books, blog posts, or other sources of information until I understood the subject. The problem was the next topic would always be right around the corner. Another issue was that this thirst for knowledge was not driven by curiosity but fear - an unhealthy motivator in the long term and a reliable source of stress.

Encounters ended up being a constant struggle. Either I would know something and pride would rear its ugly head, or I wouldn't, and anxiety would set in - both projections of the ego.

How do we deal with this constant overwhelm of the unknown then?

Coping Strategies

We all have to figure out what works for ourselves, but I've found solace in the following strategies. Hopefully, they can serve as inspiration.

• Find comfort in not knowing. In Buddhism, there is a profound saying: pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. It means you have a choice in how you deal with tough situations. Resist the situation, and you make it harder on yourself. Accept or act upon it, and suffering is minimised.

• Say you don't know and ask. Even though this seems obvious, it is harder than it looks. It demands humility - setting aside the ego, but opens a treasure chest of learning opportunities that otherwise would never have surfaced.

• Zoom out. If the sheer volume of what you feel you should know is overwhelming, what happens when you zoom out? Does it help to focus on the big picture? Can you frame the concept in familiar terms?

• Build a broad frame of reference. This makes it easier to learn new things, as you have related knowledge that serves as its foundation.

• Just in time learning. If you're familiar with the big picture, can you postpone learning about the details until you absolutely have to?

If you occasionally experience these feelings, rest assured you're not the only one. Our job is not to know everything there is to know. Our job is to learn and figure things out from there.